Table of Contents

Akner, Lois F., with Catherine Whitney. How to Survive the Loss of a Parent (New York: William Morrow, 1993). For may adults, not until their parents die do they feel the pain of their unresolved parent/child issues. This book provides ways to prepare for this inevitable event, emotionally, as well as help for those who have already gone through it.

Berry, Mary Frances. The Politics of Parenthood: Child Care, Women's Rights, and the Myth of the Good Mother (New York: Penguin Books, 1993). The myth of the "superwoman" is dead; its not realistic for women to expect that they can have (do) it all. Mary France Berry encourages all of us - mothers, fathers, legislators and employers alike - to begin to take full responsibility for the care of our most vulnerable citizens. Although more of us are moving in that direction, we are nowhere near meeting the growing demand for quality child-care in America.

Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw On: The Family (Deerfield Beech, Fla: Health communications, Inc., 1988). The book that launched John Bradshaw's nationally acclaimed career as author and lecturer in the area of emotional recovery, its in-depth descriptions of family system dynamics is a must for anyone who is trying to discover why they are the way they are.

----. Bradshaw On: Healing the Shame that Binds You (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1988). For those of us who were not properly "emotionally nourished" as children, this book helps us identify the specific reasons for our low self-esteem, then helps us grieve our lost innocence as a way to lessen our emotional pain.

----. Creating Love (New York: Bantam Books, 1992). When we decide to embark upon our path of emotional recovery, it is easy to remain stuck in our anger about what happened to us as children. This book helps us move beyond blame, and into the realms of forgiveness, optimism and renewal.

----. Family Secrets (New York: Bantam Books, 1995). For a fascinating journey of self-discovery, this book is especially helpful for those individuals who feel that there may be something more seriously wrong with the family system in which they were raised, but cannot quite put their finger on it. It offers in depth insights and exercises to help you discover new things about your family of origin that will help you along the road to emotional wholeness.

----. Homecoming (New York: Bantam Books, 1990). This work was a major source of inspiration in my quest to love to myself again. It contains extensive exercises for grieving the pain of not feeling loved as a child, and will help you reclaim your "lost self" - that spontaneous, unselfconscious, wonder-filled being who you once were.

Branden, Nathaniel. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (New York: Bantam Books, 1994). Nathaniel Branden is considered to be the father of the self-esteem concept. His work is invaluable for anyone trying understand the importance of self-esteem, as well as how to increase it in ourselves and our children.

Burns, David D. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (New York: Avon Books, 1980). Although some psychologists disagree with "cognative therapy" - that thinking comes before feeling. Nonetheless, many people have been helped by learning to break free of some of the negative thinking habits that have been dominating their lives.

Chern, Kim. A Different Kind of Listening (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1995). An eloquent description of the emptiness and suicidal tendencies that one can acquire from growing up "love-starved," even though it may appear from the outside that one has everything: looks, charm, money, intelligence. And a courageous account of one woman's determination and struggle to overcome her emotional disabilities.

Coles, Robert. The Moral Intelligence of Children (London, England: Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 1997). Incredible book with moving accounts about the natural moral intelligence of children, as well as practical advice on how to instill values in and model values for our children.

Coloroso, Barbara. Kids Are Worth It! (New York: Avon Books, 1994). The most important message of this book, which drives all of the prescribed methods of preparing children for independence, is that good parenting begins with treating children with respect. Although the recommendations against praising seem a bit off, on the whole the book is very good.

Dinkmeyer, Don, with Gary McKay and Don Dinkmeyer Jr. The Parenting Handbook (Circle Pines, Minnesota: American Guidance Services, Inc., 1997). The root Latin form of our word discipline means "to teach." This book, as well as its companion books in the "STEP" program, elevates parenting strategies to a level of compassion that all children deserve. It takes us away from the antiquated disciplinary methods of shame and punishment - which make children feel degraded and incompetent - and into a more humanistic approach to child rearing - which makes children feel valuable and self-confident.

Engel, Beverly. Divorcing a Parent (Los Angeles, CA: Lowell House, 1990). This book broaches the taboo subject of leaving a relationship with a parent - when that parent is clearly destructive to our emotional health and well-being - so that we may move on with our emotional recovery.

Erikson, Erik H. Childhood and Society (New York: Childhood and Society, 1963). This Pulitzer Prize winning classic work looks at the way childhood development affects the society in which we live through an examination of childhood in many cultures. Erikson's insights into identity and growth changed the way we look at ourselves. A must read.

Eyre, Linda and Richard. Teaching your Children Responsibility (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1982). For many children, learning a sense of responsibility is one of life's more challenging lessons. The Eyres offer much good advice to help this process along.

----. Three Steps to a Strong Family (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994). A book that is strong in the area of practical advice for helping family life run smoothly, it provides parents with many tips on accomplishing this goal.

Faber, Adele., and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk so Kids Can Learn (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1995). Strategies for relating to children in ways that spark and maintain their interest in learning. For me, this book is indispensable.

----. How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk (New York: Avon Books, 1980). An insightful look into how a parent's communication skills and disciplinary tactics profoundly affect a child's desire to cooperate with efforts to teach him or her life skills and instill emotional health.

Frankel, Fred. Good Friends are Hard to Find (Glendale, CA: Perspective Publishing, Inc., 1996). For many children, finding and keeping friends is a challenge of the highest order. If your child has problems in this area, this is the book for you.

Garrison, William. Small Bargains: Children in Crisis and the Meaning of Parental Love (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1993). An amazing look at the relationships between parents and their seriously ill or handicapped children. The heightened emotions that surround these circumstances offer insights into the parent/child bond.

Glennon, Will. Fathering: Strengthening the Connection with your Children no matter Where You Are (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 1995). An excellent and often gut wrenching book about the sad state of affairs of fathering in our culture. It does, however, offer many insights on how to strengthen the emotional connection between fathers and their children.

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence (New York: Bantam Books, 1995). This is a comprehensive, step by step guide detailing how to break free of our old communication style with our children - which has often lost its effectiveness - and change to a new style of communication called "active listening." Active listening is a powerful catalyst for keeping the lines of communication open between parent and child.

Good, Cynthia. Words Every Child Must Hear: Emotional Nourishment for Children of All Ages (Marietta, GA: 1994). Subtitled "Emotional Nourishment for Children of All Ages," this book is a little jewel filled with "messages" that cut right to the heart of the kinds of words that children need to hear from parents in order to feel loved and important.

Gordon, Thomas. Parent Effectiveness Training (New York: Penguin Putnam, Inc, 1970). A comprehensive guide detailing how to break free from our old communication style with our children - which has often lost its effectiveness - and learn a new style of communication called "active listening." Active listening helps parents better maintain an emotionally open relationship with their children.

Greenspan, Stanley I., with Beryl Lieff Benderly. The Growth of the Mind (New York: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, Inc., 1997). Ground-breaking book about how our intellectual abilities develop only through proper emotional stimulation. The results that these researchers have achieved in helping severely autistic children learn to connect with the "outside world" is astounding.

Harary, Keith., and Eileen Donahue. Who do You Think You Are? (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1994). Through an extensive, self-administered personality test called "The Berkeley Personality Profile," this book affords us a detailed look into our multi-faced personalities.

Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy. Raising your Spirited Child (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1992). We have all seen our good intentions of calm, empathetic disciplining disappear during a particularly difficult parent-child struggle. This book was a godsend for helping me deal with my highly spirited child.

Marie, Eve. Love Start: Pre-birth Bonding (Santa Monica, CA: Hay House, Inc., 1989). Learn all the techniques to begin attaching to your baby while he or she is still in the womb. This is a marvelous way to welcome a child into the world.

McKay, Gary D., and Don Dinkmeyer. How You Feel is Up to You (San Luis Obispo, CA: Impact Publishers, 1994). This book helps put to rest the notion that we are mere slaves to our emotions, and that we "cannot help how we are" (which gives us a ready excuse for all manner of inappropriate behaviors). With effort, people can and do choose to change their emotional lives, and become healthier, happier people.

McWilliams, John-Roger and Peter. Life 101 (Prelude Press: Prelude Press, 1990). Learning to let go of our negative thinking patterns is a crucial step in freeing us from the past in order to live more creatively and with a lighter heart. Here is a practical advice book for helping to make this happen.

Miller, Alice. For Your Own Good (New York: Farrar, Straus, & Giroux, 1983). An insightful look at the negative consequences of domineering, inflexible parenting. With excerpts from many 18th and 19th-century parenting books, as well as descriptions of the harsh childhoods of many nazi leaders, including Hitler, it sheds much light on the current problems of western society.

----. The Drama of the Gifted Child (New York: Basic Books, 1981). A powerful book describing many of the ways in which children are wounded by shaming and neglectful parenting. Alice Miller's insights touch the hurt child within us all.

Pelletier, Kenneth R. Sound Mind, Sound Body (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994). Research on highly successful people examines why our physical and emotional well-being are dependent upon the quality of our connectedness with other people. It is filled with examples of how effective nurturing in childhood relates to optimal physical and emotional health in adulthood.

Satir, Virginia. Conjoint Family Therapy (Palo Alto, CA: Science and Behavior, 1982). An important early work in the area of family systems, detailing how a family is a social system that functions as an emotional unit, and is more than the sum total of the individual members.

Schlaerth, Katherine. Raising a Large Family (New York: Collier Book,1991). If you are a parent with three or more children, you know what it's like to experience the "time crunch" nearly every day of your life. With excellent advice to help you manage your large family, this book is for you!

Seligman, Martin E.P., with Karen Reivich, Lisa Jaycox, and Jane Gillham. The Optimistic Child (New York: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1995). As I've long suspected, optimism is a personality trait that can, indeed, be learned. Although there is evidence of genetic predisposition in regard to our prevailing "life mood," an emotionally healthy and optimistic environment proves to be essential for raising emotionally balanced children.

Shapiro, Lawrence E. How to Raise a Child With a High E.Q. (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1997). Emotional Intelligence is establishing itself as the psychological and parenting concept of the nineties, and will likely continue into the new millennium. Learning the emotional skills to thrive within the world of human relationships prove to be our most valuable life lessons.

Solomon, Marion. Lean on Me: The Power of Positive Dependency in Intimate Relationships (New York: Simon & Schuster Inc., 1994). Many people with low self-esteem feel as if they do not have a "right" to count on others because they are just not "worth it." Other people who fear intimacy use the pretense of "autonomy" to remain at an emotional distance from their mates. This book helps restore the notion that it is good and healthy to count on the emotional support of others (within healthy limits) to help us in our lives.

Tucker-Ladd, Clayton E. Psychological Self-Help (Published online: Mental Health Net, 1996). In the first section of this lengthy work, Clayton Tucker-Ladd offers critiques on such things as the validity of self-help, how to choose a self-help book, when to seek out a professional practitioner, and so forth. Very helpful, indeed. Then he launches into some of the most well thought-out advice in psychological self-help that I have yet seen.

Wade, Brenda. Love Lessons: A Guide to Transforming Relationships (New York: Amistad Press Inc., 1993). Since the emotional health of the spousal relationship is a key determining factor in the emotional health of the children in a family system, it is important to heal that relationship - if it needs it - in order to raise emotionally healthy children. Reading this book is an excellent place to start.

Woititz, Janet. Struggle For Intimacy (Pompano Beach, Fla: Health Communications, 1995). Dedicated to "adult children of alcoholics," this is a simple, yet help helpful look at basic guidelines to intimacy with others.

Young, Jeffrey E., and Janet S. Klosko. Reinventing Your Life (New York: Dutton, 1993). Examines how our early childhood experiences cause us to form what the authors call lifetraps (or schemas): self-destructive, lifelong personality disorders that sabotage our relationships. This book offers a variety of ways to chip away at this "emotional baggage," and to eventually break free from our psychological chains.

Table of Contents